My birth story

Birth story

A moment you will always remember: the day your little one was born 💗 .

I would like to start with a special dream I had, the night before my prenatal ultrasound. In my dream I was sitting on my bed with my baby in my arms. I admired her and called her name: Zeyneb, my daughter. Later in the dream I saw her as a toddler walking around my bed and thought: "How can she grow so fast?" But while I was thinking that, I suddenly found myself holding another baby. This dream came true, exactly as I had seen it.

Now back to August 7, 2020, the day my first daughter was born. In the middle of the night, around 2:30, I woke up and felt something. Was that my water breaking, or did I just have an accident? Yes, that was seriously what was going through my mind. I had drunk so much water before going to sleep, that I was not sure what was happening. I went back to bed, but yes, it really was my water. Of course, I could not sleep after that. I was so happy that she was coming, that I immediately woke my husband: "Wake up, our princess is coming!" And there we were, excited from 3 in the morning on the balcony, waiting with very light contractions.

Tip : Do your waters break during the night and does the amniotic fluid look good? Are you not having any intense contractions yet? Try to sleep again, because you will need your energy later!

Around 8:00 I fell asleep again, but an hour later I woke up with more intense contractions. We called the midwife, who arrived around 11:00. I was already 5 to 6 cm dilated. I thought: "Wow, if this is it, it's not that bad!" But of course that was too early.

At one point I sat on the fitness ball to catch the contractions. It was boiling hot, about 30 degrees inside. The adrenaline and tension were rising, and I had to throw up twice. Despite the heat I suddenly felt cold, as if I could use a thick blanket. Suddenly I saw all the hands coming towards me, because I had fallen asleep and was in danger of falling off the ball. My mother, aunt and of course my husband were there, and they immediately came to help. Then I went to bed with the idea that I could maybe get some sleep between the contractions.

In the meantime, it was already past 2pm, and then the contractions started. Up until that moment, I had nothing to complain about; there were no complications and everything was going smoothly. But those last moments... that extreme burning feeling! It felt like I was going to explode down there at any moment. At one point, I stopped pushing, looked at the midwife and thought: "I want to get up and run!" Something happened to me; it was like a switch flipped and I changed from a happy mother into an emotionless zombie. But after 7 or 8 pushes, she was there, exactly at 14:43. Our sweet daughter Zeyneb Lina. 

After everything was over, I went to take a shower. All I wanted at that moment was to sit on the balcony with a cup of coffee and cry really hard. But suddenly the house was so busy. My sister, brothers, nieces, nephews, aunts... Everyone was so happy and curious about our sweet Zeyneb. There was cake and there was a great joy in the house. But did I feel that way too? Absolutely not. It was like watching a movie and not quite understanding what had happened to me.

Was it some kind of trauma that I had suffered during the contractions, or the beginning of a postnatal depression? How bizarre is it really, that you have no control over something like that. The hormones are flying in all directions and so much is going through your mind. I was stuck in this for a while. Fortunately, I did not have an aversion to my daughter, because I could enjoy her, but did I really live in the now? The months went by, a period in which I thought a lot. Who am I? What do I want? Why did I make certain choices at the time? And from those thoughts For Your Little Cutie was born. Without a big plan, I just started and let my feelings guide me.

And not even a year later...

On Zeyneb's first birthday I was 12 weeks pregnant with our second daughter. It seemed meant to be. Somehow I was afraid that I would experience the same thing again during labor. Every day I prayed that everything would go well, not only during labor, but also afterwards.

And also with Amira, exactly one day before the pre-echo, I had already seen a sign that it would be a girl again. In my dream I was at my parents' house. I had to go to work, but my shoes were nowhere to be found. Then I remembered that I used to have sneakers with pink details. My mother kept old shoes that still looked good in a box, so I went looking in that box and found one pink shoe. I continued looking for the other pair, but I grabbed another pink shoe and put it next to it. While I kept looking, I found a total of four different pink shoes. Ahahah, so now I wonder: was this dream just meant for that moment in my life, or will there be more girls in the future? Agh we'll see, life is full of surprises..
Back to the birth story…

The night before I was still behind the sewing machine. I suddenly got the inspiration to make a romper for her, that she would wear as a birth outfit. After I was done, I thought: "Tomorrow I will take pictures for the collection first." But my feeling said: "No, you don't have time for that." So I quickly threw the outfit in the washing machine to get it done.

Unfortunately she couldn't wear the outfit, both were born so small that they started with size 44 💗

And yes, my feeling was right. The next morning, around 4:30 am, my water broke. I was so glad that I had put the protective cover on the bed the day before. It was really like in the movies, with a big puddle in the bed, haha! I thought: "This is going to take a while, just like the first time, so we still have time." I calmly drank a cup of coffee and let my sister and cousin know that the time had come. But soon it started faster than expected.

There I was again, on the fitness ball. We had consciously chosen for Zeyneb to stay home. At one point she came to me, put her little hands on my legs and tried to ease my pain. She looked at me with her big eyes and she noticed that mommy was in pain.  How special! One and a half years old and she knew exactly what was happening. I tried to put on a smile despite the intense contractions and said: "Baby is coming, your sister is coming!" I will never forget that moment.

Around 11:00 we had the midwife call again, telling her that she really had to come now. At 11:40 she was there. I wanted to go to the toilet quickly, and then the pushing contractions started. I just couldn't hold them back! When I lay down again to have the dilation checked, the midwife said: "You're 10 cm dilated." My reaction: "WHAAAATTT?"

After only three pushes, our second princess, Amira Sarah, was born at exactly 11:59 on January 16, 2022. My first reaction to the midwife was: "THIS WAS SO EASY!" What a relief, a completely different experience. And how much I was able to enjoy it immediately afterwards. In a short time I was able to relive everything, but this time much more consciously. The sleepless nights and tough days remain, but I now know: ENJOY! This phase will pass.

And there was my first dream! I lived my dream that I had seen with Zeyneb. A little girl walking around and a newborn in my arms 💗 .

Meanwhile, Zeyneb Lina is 4 years old and Amira Sarah is 2.5 years old 💗

Would you like to share your birth story with us and other mothers? Email your story to info@foryourlittlecutie.nl

And who knows, see you soon!

Lots of Love,

Humeyra Berber